That post yesterday sounds so stupid. As well as the things that I have told friends throughout the years.
Giving in to feelings, allowing vulnerability has been a big no for me. So I try to show that I don’t really care, look as invulnerable as possible. But when people grow up (I guess), we realize that hiding behind the tough mask to prevent being hurt or looking stupid, only leads to being hurt and looking stupid. And really, all that jadedness is so juvenile I could vomit.
And so I would want to just get it out that I will be vulnerable, do something that will expose my feelings, no fallback just pure emotion. I would probably regret it when I don’t get the response that I want but I know that it will eventually make sense, or hurt less. I’m so sick of hiding and I proclaim that I am not a coward. People will hurt you whether they want to or not but that does not give you license to hide behind that unfeeling image and miss out on the ride of life. So go out and shout out what you feel, once in a while.
I sound so sappy my younger self would have killed me already. But to you, my post-realization-feeling-tough-coward-self, live a little, maybe things could have been better for you if you realized this sooner.
And to you, my hours from now self please don’t regret it too much. I wish things worked out for you and I am going to stop now before I change my mind.
Regardless of the odds I will stop this bitterness now and stop being a coward.